100% of Nothing

I have spent a whole lot of time inadvertently pleasing others. My heart is geared to help whomever I can. When I can't I tend to be missing... aloof... I may even come off disinterested but that is far from the truth. I have just learned over many years that I can't do everything. I have also learned that when people find out that you are a resource for many of their needs, they will ride you to their success and barely say thank you as they throw you to the curb. 

That's my life. Even now, I want to show up as an asset to any group that I participate in. There is one group in particular that I am standing off from because I feel as if I really can't afford to participate but I want to SOOOOO BADLY!! There are other groups that I don't have to fly, get hotels or other fees to participate in and I give of myself in ways that could actually help me participate with the group I'm dying to work with if I charged them for my work. I don't. I get comfortable in giving of my time, talents and resources only to be repeatedly disrespected, disregarded and dissed... So for me in these instances, 100% is nothing. 

A reality based on insanity... I must learn to be really selfish with what I have learned, experienced and know just by virtue of getting older. To quench the desire to share what I know, I guess I need to find a bunch of my notes compile them properly and publish!