Triggers...

You never know when your going to be triggered...

While minding my own business I find myself in an almost uncontrollable condition in a place where control is the norm. 

January 16, 2019 is my sons birthday. Today is November 19, 2018. I need to move some projects in my task list to January because the client needed to push the project into the first quarter. I pulled up my calendar and inadvertently picked Martin Luther King's actual birthday as the date to follow up. Quickly it dawned on me that my son's 30th birthday is the 16th. I wanted to scream. I finally clearly said "why. "  Growing up we were taught not to question God. I totally meant no disrespect but why am I not loving his children and spending this holiday watching my whole family laugh, talk or even fight. Instead I have a drawing in my bedroom of he and I that my daughter had done for me because the professional photo that we took before his death never got to me. I have a few pieces of his clothing. I have some photos but no Lindsey. Lindsey Stephan Lee is his name. A beautiful child with a calm spirit who was killed for reasons that are completely unknown. He was almost 3 months old. What could he have done? What could I have done? It is still devastating. It is still surreal at times. It is still... 

Triggers can take you to a dark place if you let them. They can be the catalyst that creates positive or negative combustion. The choice again is mine. I choose to trust God and I rest on : 

Romans 12:19 King James Version (KJV)

19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.